"Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile."

After a long hiatus from Buzznet, I finally made the decision to reappear and touch base with everyone. Hope all is well and life is good!

As for me, my long absence can be attributed to a couple of major things that had happened in my life in the last year or so (I think that was the last time I posted):
- I was VERY BUSY @ work but what else is new?
- I tried to take classes in order to change careers, and although I was enjoying this for awhile, I had to suddenly stop which I will explain later.

Apart from those 2 things, the one MAJOR change that has happened in my life is being diagnosed with panic disorder in August of this year. Alas, after many years of working too hard, not getting along with my boss, putting in long hours, and simply being stressed- my body gave out.

It all started in the beginning of this year, when my hair started to shed like crazy that I thought I was going bald, but at the time, I thought I was just exercising too much and lacking some nutrients. And around June, I had my first official attack during my meeting with my boss. We were not talking about any particular stressful topics at the time, but for over a year, I had always been on edge whenever I had to meet with the big boss, and that day was no different. Low and behold, while she was talking, I suddenly felt like I was having an out of body experience- the room started to shrink and expand like an accordion, I was dizzy, had pounding headache, and I was close to vomiting. At the time I had no idea what was wrong with me so I just ignored the symptoms, I figured it might have been a one off thing.

But then July rolled by and the frequency of the headaches and the panic attacks accelerated to a point where I thought I was going crazy. Until it got to a point where I had to take a leave of absence from work for 5 weeks, and sadly though I had just started taking a class that I thought would be fun to take at the time, I had to withdraw from it since I could not even get behind the wheel of my car.

For 2-3 weeks, I hardly left my apartment and my boyfriend and parents had to be brave and take care of me the whole time. I waited out the symptoms and night after night, I barely slept because of the attacks. My doctor kept giving me meds for the headaches and the nausea but the problems only worsened. The worst part was I could not get myself to even leave my front door without freaking out- and I endured all this as I waited for my lab results to come back. There was a period when I sat home alone, feeling helpless about not knowing what was wrong with me, when I actually thought "I can't live like this anymore." I think the moment I uttered those words was when I also realized that there was clearly something mentally wrong with me. Luckily that same day, my doctor FINALLY had a diagnosis for me and I immediately made an appointment with a psychiatrist and a therapist.

As I type this, I have been on meds and therapy for a little over 2 months. I can't say that I am 100% recovered, but I am a lot better than where I was back a few months ago. Everyday has been a struggle since, but I am learning and praying everyday that I get better.

You're probably wondering why I shared this with you- well I know that there are many out there who get stressed and sometimes even suffer from anxiety here and there. I just want you to know that you are not alone!

Take care and seize the day!